Today, it often feels as though disagreement has become a reason to dismiss someone’s entire character. Too often, healthy debate has been replaced with insults, assumptions, and name-calling.
By TAMMY BELANGER | Gazette Columnist
Lately, I’ve found myself missing something that used to seem so ordinary we barely noticed it.
I miss the days when it was okay to disagree.
Not because everyone shared the same opinions—they didn’t. People have always disagreed about politics, religion, social issues and countless other topics. The difference was that those disagreements didn’t automatically define the entire relationship.
You could vote differently than your neighbor and still borrow a ladder from them. You could attend different churches, or no church at all, and still share a cup of coffee. You could have different opinions about who someone loved or how they chose to live their life and still recognize them as a good person. You could debate an issue around the dinner table, shake hands when the conversation was over, and genuinely look forward to seeing each other again.
Today, it often feels as though disagreement has become a reason to dismiss someone’s entire character.
We’ve become so quick to label people instead of listening to them. Too often, healthy debate has been replaced with insults, assumptions, and name-calling.
Instead of asking, “Why do you think that?” we rush to tell people why they’re wrong. Friendships end over elections. Families stop speaking over politics. Neighbors become strangers because of a yard sign or a social media post.
Social media has only amplified the problem. Behind a keyboard, it’s easy to forget there’s a real person on the other side of the screen—a neighbor, a coworker, a fellow parent, or someone you’ll pass in the grocery store tomorrow. Words we would never say face-to-face are typed in seconds and shared with hundreds or thousands of people. Somewhere along the way, we’ve become more comfortable talking at one another than talking with one another.
Behind a keyboard, it’s easy
to forget there’s a real person
on the other side of the screen
Perhaps what bothers me most isn’t that people disagree—it’s the constant negativity that seems to surround us. Every news story, every community issue, every social media post can quickly turn into an argument filled with anger and personal attacks. It’s exhausting. We wake up to it, scroll through it during the day, and go to bed after reading more of it. It feels as though outrage has become our default setting, and kindness has become the exception.
Some people have become afraid to express an opinion at all. Business owners worry that one comment could lead to online outrage or calls for a boycott.
Employees fear that a differing opinion could cost them professionally. Others simply stay silent, not because they have nothing to say, but because they don’t want to become the next target.
That’s not healthy for anyone.
A free exchange of ideas doesn’t require everyone to agree. In fact, progress often comes from respectful disagreement.
We learn when our ideas are challenged. We grow when we’re willing to listen. Sometimes we even change our minds—not because we were shouted down, but because someone treated us with enough respect to have an honest conversation.
Being tolerant doesn’t mean agreeing with every opinion. It means recognizing that another person’s humanity is more important than winning an argument.
We’ve reached a point where many people seem more interested in being right than being kind. More interested in scoring points than building relationships. More interested in proving someone wrong than understanding why they believe what they do.
What if we changed that?
What if we listened more than we speak? What if we assumed good intentions before assuming the worst? What if we remembered that people are far more than a political party, a religious belief, a social media post, or a single opinion?
We don’t have to surrender our beliefs to show one another respect.
We can stand firm in what we believe while still treating others with respect. We can disagree without becoming enemies. We can choose conversation over confrontation, curiosity over condemnation, and understanding over outrage.
We can stand firm in what we believe
while still treating others with respect
Life is simply too short to spend it angry at people we once called friends or refusing to know someone because of a single opinion. We all have different experiences that shape how we see the world, and that’s okay. Diversity of thought isn’t something to fear—it’s something to learn from.
Maybe that’s what I miss most.
Not a time when everyone agreed—but a time when relationships mattered more than arguments. A time when you could disagree without being hated, debate without being attacked, forgive without keeping score, and walk away from a conversation still respecting the person on the other side.
If we want a kinder world, it starts with us. It starts with choosing to listen before we judge, asking questions instead of making assumptions, and remembering that every person deserves dignity, even when we don’t share their views.
The constant negativity doesn’t have to define us. We can choose something better. We can choose respect over resentment, conversation over conflict, and our shared humanity over the need to win every argument.
Perhaps that’s something worth bringing back.
. . .
ABOUT THE AUTHOR | Tammy Belanger is a regular columnist for the Biddeford Gazette, covering City Hall and other public policy issues impacting the city.
She is a longtime Biddeford resident, small business owner, photographer and dog lover. “I am a wife and a mother of three adults who were raised here. I care deeply about our community, and the people who live here,” she says.
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NOTE | The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the Biddeford Gazette, its staff, affiliates or sponsors. We encourage robust and diverse community conversations on topics related to the city of Biddeford. For information about how to submit your own letter or column, please CONTACT US
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